


Crime of the Ancient Mariner

by lalalalalawhy



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: M/M, Team Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:59:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5555150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalalalalawhy/pseuds/lalalalalawhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You don’t understand, Captain Laserbeam! You were the bait! Now for the tackle. He’s on his way.“</p><p>“Who’s on his way? I won’t have you bringing the Adventurekateers into this!” Captain Laserbeam began to struggle against his bonds, but willpower required time and focus.</p><p>“Why, your partner, of course. Phillip Fathom! He’s been a jellyfish stinger in my side for far too long now, and I have sprung the perfect trap! Capture his partner, and he won’t be far behind.”</p><p>“Ah, um. Well,” Captain Laserbeam said, shifting uncomfortably against his bonds. “We aren’t really, technically, um. Partners.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crime of the Ancient Mariner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheVioletSunflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVioletSunflower/gifts).



“You’ll never get away with this, Ancient Mariner!” Captain Laserbeam shouted. He was defiant, but he was beginning to lose hope.

The Ancient Mariner wasn’t even technically supposed to be his nemesis. The Ancient Mariner was mostly a sea- and bay-based villain, terrorizing the coastal region in his painted ship. Most nautical naughtiness fell under the jurisdiction of Phillip Fathom, the Deep Sea Detective. But when the sinful sailor had turned his attention on Apex City, Captain Laserbeam’s hand had been forced.

If he was honest to himself (and honesty is a top tenet of the Adventurekateer clubhouse, even when it is uncomfortable), he was hoping that coming up against the nautical knave would force a team up with Phillip Fathom. They had teamed up three times before, and they were the best team ups he’d ever had – including Dream Girl.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe, after sending the Ancient Mariner to his watery grave, Phillip Fathom would want to talk about teaming up on a more regular basis, maybe even being an exclusive team up.

But then Phillip Fathom hadn’t shown up, and Captain Laserbeam had not been expecting the Ancient Mariner to put up such a fight. Shouldn’t he be elderly?

Captain Laserbeam was bound by his hands and feet the belly of a sinking ship. The water was already beginning to lap against him. He couldn’t allow this to go on any longer.

“Must… break free… of ties… that bind! But how?” Captain Laserbeam muttered to himself, gathering his will.

In his mind’s ear, Captain Laserbeam could hear Adventurekateer Patrick saying “What would Apex City do without you? …without you? …without you?”

He could hear Adventurekateer Kimberley saying “What would the Adventurekateers do without you? …without you? …with–”

“It’s no use trying to gather your laser willpower, Captain Laserbeam. It’s too late!” The Ancient Mariner was rubbing his hands together in glee.

“It’s never too late for spirits of the Adventurekateers!” Captain Laserbeam said.

“You don’t understand, Captain Laserbeam! You were the bait! Now for the tackle. He’s on his way.“

“Who’s on his way? I won’t have you bringing the Adventurekateers into this!” Captain Laserbeam began to struggle against his bonds, but willpower required time and focus.

“Why, your partner, of course. Phillip Fathom! He’s been a jellyfish stinger in my side for far too long now, and I have sprung the perfect trap! Capture his partner, and he won’t be far behind.”

“Ah, um. Well,” Captain Laserbeam said, shifting uncomfortably against his bonds. “We aren’t really, technically, um. Partners.”

“What?” The Ancient Mariner looked genuinely confused. “You’ve been teaming up for months now!”

“We’ve never really, ah, defined the team up,” Captain Laserbeam said. “There just, um, hasn’t been a good time. I thought maybe he’d come over to help me defeat you, but, uh, it looks like maybe not.”  
  
“I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything,” The Ancient Mariner said. “Listen, sometimes these things can take time. He doesn’t seem like he’s the best at communication.”  
  
Captain Laserbeam smiled a small, sad smile. Phillip Fathom was great at many things, but talking about his feelings was not one of them.

“Well, his parents died at sea, you know,” Captain Laserbeam said. “I think he’s still dealing with a lot from that. I don’t want to push him into a team up he’s not ready for.”

“But it could be a good step for both of you, both career-wise and for… other reasons.” The Ancient Mariner was waggling his eyebrows a bit.

Captain Laserbeam sighed. “I just wish we could actually talk about it,” he said. “These have been the best team ups of my life.”

“Even better than Dream Girl?” The Ancient Mariner asked.

Captain Laserbeam nodded. “Even better than Dream Girl,” he said.

Suddenly, a commotion! A vision in a soggy trench coat burst in through a porthole.

“WHERE IS HE!?!?”

“Phillip Fathom!” The Ancient Mariner and Captain Laserbeam cried in unison.

“You’re here!” Captain Laserbeam said.

“ _Of course I’m here!_ ” Phillip Fathom was using his quietest growl. It was comforting, in a way. “ _Are you injured?_ ”

“No, no, Phillip, I’m fine,” he said.

“Phillip Fathom, at last you have joined us!” The Ancient Mariner said, and pulled the sheet off a giant weapon in the corner. It was an enormous crossbow, ready to shoot. “Do you like it? I call it the Albatross. It always flies straight and true.”

Sure enough, along the side of the crossbow, was scrawled ALBATROSS 3000.

Phillip was still busying himself with Captain Laserbeam’s bonds, not paying any attention to The Ancient Mariner.

“I was so sure you wouldn’t come for me,” Captain Laserbeam said.

“ _Of course I would come for you_ ,” Phillip muttered. “ _We’re partners_.”

Captain Laserbeam’s eyes went wide. “Are we? Partners I mean?” His heart was beating like it had been shocked by 100 lasers. “I mean, I want to be partners with you, and do exclusive team ups. But I know you work alone, and I don’t want to suffocate you.”

“ _I can breathe underwater_.” Phillip’s voice was almost a whisper. “ _You won’t suffocate me._ ”

“Well,” Captain Laserbeam said, smiling. “I’m up for it if you are.”

“ _I’m in_ ,” Phillip said.

“Excuse me,” The Ancient Mariner said. “While I’m happy that you two worked out your relationship, you have forgotten one crucial thing. Captain Laserbeam, you will soon be flying solo again!”

The Ancient Mariner laughed, and cocked the Albatross 3000. Before he could shoot it, Captain Laserbeam was on him in a flash.

“Laser Punch!” he cried, knocking The Ancient Mariner back away from the crossbow. “Weapons aren’t toys, Ancient Mariner.”

Phillip Fathom pulled out his seaweed rope and busied himself tying it to the Albatross 3000, while Captain Laserbeam tied up The Ancient Mariner’s hands.

“It’s off to the Apex City Incarcetarium for you!” Captain Laserbeam said.

“ _NO_.” Phillip Fathom growled. “ _We’re on open water. Law of the Sea applies_.” In one swift motion, he tied the other end of the seaweed rope around The Ancient Mariner’s midsection and threw both him and the Albatross 3000 overboard.

“That seems a little dark for us,” Captain Laserbeam said.

“ _He can survive like that for hours. I’ll go get him once he’s had some time to sit and think about what he’s done_ ,” Phillip Fathom growled. “ _And I could have tied it around his neck._ ”

“Right,” Captain Laserbeam said. “But since you brought it up, here we are on a nice moonlit night, on the bay, with hours to spare.”

A few hours later, lying sprawled on the deck together, Captain Laserbeam smiled. This could be the start of a beautiful team up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Mansion](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mansion), for both the title and the idea for this story, and thanks to thevioletsunflower for requesting Phillip Fathom!


End file.
